(Remember the Hostess ads that ran in comic books in the mid-1970's? The heroes would ignore their superpowers and use Hostess snack foods to save the day. On 9 October 1999, Ryan Mathews wondered what it would be like if those ads were still being used today, with anime characters instead of comic book superheroes. I wrote three ads in response...)
Series: Ranma ½
Time: Any time between Ryoga's first appearance and the "Shi Shi Hokodan" storyline
|Ryoga:||Saotome Ranma, prepare to die!!!!!|
|Ranma:||Hang on, Ryoga - I'll be right back...|
|< Ranma runs off-panel >|
|Ryoga:||That coward - running out in the middle of a fight like that!|
|Akane:||I'm sure he has a good reason, Ryoga-kun. Why do you hate Ranma so much, anyway?|
|Ryoga:||Well... er... ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!|
|Ranma:||Okay, man, I'm back. Here.|
|< Ranma tosses a package at Ryoga >|
|Ryoga:||< grabs the package without looking > I told you before, this isn't about bread, Ranma!|
|Ranma:||Look at the package, bacon-breath. That's not bread - it's a package of Hostess(TM) Twinkies(TM)!|
|Ryoga:||This sponge cake... this creamy filling... Ranma... Nobody's ever given me something like this before! All is forgiven, my friend!|
|Akane:||Oh, good! Now you'll stop fighting all the time! Let's have those Twinkies(TM) for dessert after the celebratory meal I'll cook for you!|
|Ranma and |
|Uh... We gotta go on a training trip. But don't worry about us - we'll survive eating these Hostess(TM) Twinkies(TM). Bye, Akane!|
|Akane:||Ranma no baka!|
Series: Ranma ½
Time: During "I'll Be the One to Inherit Mother's Recipies" - the hot water pipe has just burst.
|Akane:||< crying > Dinner's ruined, and it's all my fault. I'm no good in the kitchen!|
|Nodoka:||Akane, darling, cooking isn't about being good in the kitchen.|
|Nodoka:||No. You want to learn how to cook so your family and fiancee have good things to eat, don't you?|
|Akane:||Yes! Yes, that's right, Auntie Saotome!|
|Nodoka:||You don't have to be able to cook, then - just go to the store and look for these.|
|< Nodoka pulls a package out of her kimono sleeve >|
|Akane:||What are those, Auntie Saotome?|
|Nodoka:||Hostess(TM) Cupcakes, dear. Try one.|
|< Akane opens the package and eats one of the Cupcakes, then smiles >|
|Akane:||These Hostess(TM) Cupcakes are good! Thank you, Auntie Saotome!|
Series: Saber Marionette J.
Time: The last episode, just before the commercial break.
|Lime:||I can't let anything bad happen to Otaru, or anyone else. This is why we were created. This is what we have to do.|
|Bloodberry:||Damn! If only there was another way!|
|Cherry:||Wait! There is another way!|
|Lime and |
|There is? WHAT IS IT?|
|Cherry:||We'll offer it ... THESE!|
|< Cherry pulls three packages out from inside her clothes >|
|Bloodberry:||What are they?|
|Cherry:||Hostess(TM) Fruit Pies. They come in three flavours - apple, blueberry, and my favourite - cherry.|
|< The battle around the three Marionettes stops. A spotlight shines on the Hostess(TM) Fruit Pies, and they rise from Cherry's hand >|
|Lime:||Yay! It's working!|
|< The Marionettes complete their mission and return to the Japonessguar >|
|Lime:||Otaru's going to be so happy that you had those Hostess(TM) Fruit Pies, Cherry.|
|Bloodberry:||Don't forget the other two flavours, Lime!|
|< they all laugh >|
After reading this fanfic and a few others like it, Brian Dinnigan drew another ad. He's given me permission to post a copy here, so here you go...
Early-September 2002 Update: Some people have told me that they can't read Brian's writing. (This is one of his earlier works, after all.) Here's a transcription of the text.
|Panel 1:||... Having discovered her true identity, Largo has confronted Nene alone and without her hardsuit ...|
"Well, you can't run any further ..."
|Panel 2:||Oh no ... What am I going to do?|
|Panel 3:||Wait! I've still got my lunch ...|
|Panel 4:||"Now, you are the beamsat's designated target ..."|
"Why don't you target these GENOM cupcakes instead?"
|Panel 5:||"mmm ... Such delicious chocolatey cake and icing ... truly fit for the ruler of the new world ..."|
*BZZT* targetting malfunction
I got away just in time!
|Panel 7:||"Frail humans need fear no more Largo ... thanks to delicious GENOM® cupcakes!"|
You get a big delight in every bite of GENOM cupcakes