Snack Cakes Save the Day, Anime Style

(Remember the Hostess ads that ran in comic books in the mid-1970's? The heroes would ignore their superpowers and use Hostess snack foods to save the day. On 9 October 1999, Ryan Mathews wondered what it would be like if those ads were still being used today, with anime characters instead of comic book superheroes. I wrote three ads in response...)

Series: Ranma ½
Time: Any time between Ryoga's first appearance and the "Shi Shi Hokodan" storyline

Ryoga:    Saotome Ranma, prepare to die!!!!!
Ranma:    Hang on, Ryoga - I'll be right back...
< Ranma runs off-panel >
Ryoga:    That coward - running out in the middle of a fight like that!
Akane:    I'm sure he has a good reason, Ryoga-kun. Why do you hate Ranma so much, anyway?
Ryoga:    Well... er... ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Ranma:    Okay, man, I'm back. Here.
< Ranma tosses a package at Ryoga >
Ryoga:    < grabs the package without looking > I told you before, this isn't about bread, Ranma!
Ranma:    Look at the package, bacon-breath. That's not bread - it's a package of Hostess(TM) Twinkies(TM)!
Ryoga:    This sponge cake... this creamy filling... Ranma... Nobody's ever given me something like this before! All is forgiven, my friend!
Akane:    Oh, good! Now you'll stop fighting all the time! Let's have those Twinkies(TM) for dessert after the celebratory meal I'll cook for you!
Ranma and    
Uh... We gotta go on a training trip. But don't worry about us - we'll survive eating these Hostess(TM) Twinkies(TM). Bye, Akane!
Akane:    Ranma no baka!

Series: Ranma ½
Time: During "I'll Be the One to Inherit Mother's Recipies" - the hot water pipe has just burst.

Akane:    < crying > Dinner's ruined, and it's all my fault. I'm no good in the kitchen!
Nodoka:    Akane, darling, cooking isn't about being good in the kitchen.
Akane:    It isn't?
Nodoka:    No. You want to learn how to cook so your family and fiancee have good things to eat, don't you?
Akane:    Yes! Yes, that's right, Auntie Saotome!
Nodoka:    You don't have to be able to cook, then - just go to the store and look for these.
< Nodoka pulls a package out of her kimono sleeve >
Akane:    What are those, Auntie Saotome?
Nodoka:    Hostess(TM) Cupcakes, dear. Try one.
< Akane opens the package and eats one of the Cupcakes, then smiles >
Akane:    These Hostess(TM) Cupcakes are good! Thank you, Auntie Saotome!

Series: Saber Marionette J.
Time: The last episode, just before the commercial break.

Lime:    I can't let anything bad happen to Otaru, or anyone else. This is why we were created. This is what we have to do.
Bloodberry:    Damn! If only there was another way!
Cherry:    Wait! There is another way!
Lime and    
There is? WHAT IS IT?
Cherry:    We'll offer it ...   THESE!
< Cherry pulls three packages out from inside her clothes >
Bloodberry:    What are they?
Cherry:    Hostess(TM) Fruit Pies. They come in three flavours - apple, blueberry, and my favourite - cherry.
< The battle around the three Marionettes stops. A spotlight shines on the Hostess(TM) Fruit Pies, and they rise from Cherry's hand >
Lime:    Yay! It's working!
< The Marionettes complete their mission and return to the Japonessguar >
Lime:    Otaru's going to be so happy that you had those Hostess(TM) Fruit Pies, Cherry.
Bloodberry:    Don't forget the other two flavours, Lime!
< they all laugh >

Late-April 2001 Update!

After reading this fanfic and a few others like it, Brian Dinnigan drew another ad. He's given me permission to post a copy here, so here you go...

Classic BGC parody ad by Brian Dinnigan

Early-September 2002 Update: Some people have told me that they can't read Brian's writing. (This is one of his earlier works, after all.) Here's a transcription of the text.
Panel 1:    ... Having discovered her true identity, Largo has confronted Nene alone and without her hardsuit ...
"Well, you can't run any further ..."
Panel 2:Oh no ... What am I going to do?
Panel 3:Wait! I've still got my lunch ...
Panel 4:"Now, you are the beamsat's designated target ..."
"Why don't you target these GENOM cupcakes instead?"
Panel 5:"mmm ... Such delicious chocolatey cake and icing ... truly fit for the ruler of the new world ..."
*BZZT* targetting malfunction
Panel 6:Z-ZAP!

I got away just in time!
Panel 7:"Frail humans need fear no more Largo ... thanks to delicious GENOM® cupcakes!"
You get a big delight in every bite of GENOM cupcakes

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