(Written by Kokuten; posted January 21, 2007)
June 3rd, 2012
"On Earth, gentlemen, Golf is the game of business executives, doctors, and other self-important types." I stooped over and pressed a tee into the asteroid.
"Here, however, Golf is nothing more than a handy supply for physics experimentation and vector analysis training equipment." I set a ball on the tee, the small magnet in the tee holding the ferrous golf ball in place in microgravity.
"Constant consistent training in vector analysis, and an in-depth knowledge of Newton makes a damn fine skill set out here." I unsheathed a driver, and addressed the ball.
"Out here, vector analysis can mean the difference between hit or miss, literally. Whether you're blasting cannon at a Reaver ship." I pulled back, swung, and slammed the tiny white spheroid off into it's own orbit.
"Or whether you're trying to park the car at the end of the day." In the distance, one of the Boys surged out from behind another asteroid, catching the golf ball and bounding towards me.
"I'm not telling you to use my equipment or buy from me. I'm just telling you that your AI, your equipment, it can all be cheated or compromised. But the mark one eyeball..."I scratched my head, considering some of the obvious biomods I'd seen recently. "Ok, the human eyeball, and the human brain can't be fooled that easily. Especially if you train. Case in point, gentlemen. Is that going to hit us?"
I pointed behind us to a rather nice nickle-iron lump spinning down on us from the Belt like ten million tons of devestation. Most people jumped nervously when they saw it, some stood their ground, and one or two laughed. I let them hash it out, playing their various passive sensors at it. I pushed a button on my belt, bent over, and retrieved my tee.
"With some good training in vector analysis, you could have made a call on that immediately. You would have known that yes, that big chunk of rock and pain is going to land here, and would have been able to plan accordingly." The Suburban with the ball dropped silently onto the asteroid next to me, and one of his brothers fell down a moment later on the other side, leaving the three of us facing the small crowd of NewFen I'd agreed to give a talking to.
"And it is going to hit us. We've actually got about a minute, that thing's smaller and moving quicker than it looks at first glance, so let's saddle up and get along, folks."
I herded them into the waiting Suburbans, idly fondling the steel-cored golf ball in my right hand. So far, the death toll from 'simple stupidity' was pretty damn low, Up Here, and anything I could do to keep it that way was a Damn Fine Thing, especially with the Reaver threat and the mobilization efforts there.
Which didn't mean that I wasn't gonna call in this favor sometime soon. Maybe I could parlay it into a nice homecooked meal somewhere, by someone who knows how to cook. It's been a while since I've been off the rock, SOS-con notwithstanding.
We filed and shuffled into the Suburbans, a dozen 'new meat' Fen just up from the big blue marble, one plug ugly dwarf with a hankering for a steak, and his good buddy. Hopefully we'd be back this way again, hopefully none of them would become just a name on a memorial..