Thank you for the many messages of encouragement, appreciation, and constructive criticism you've sent about my story A Certain Distance. There's only one more thing I need to do with that story before beginning serious work on its sequel, though, and that's have some fun with it!
Yes, this is the "silly omake" posting for A Certain Distance! It would help if you have a copy of the original story, so you know where these scenes are supposed to go ...
The text that was originally in the story is given again. The omake are indented for your reading enjoyment. If you want to assume the characters go super-deformed when the text indents (just like in Artmic's full-length omake Ten Little Gall Force), feel free ...
I don't own these characters. So there. Nyyyeaaah!
"Ami, sometimes I don't quite understand you. Do you think anyone who isn't a friend is an enemy?"
"No, I didn't mean that. It just seems sometimes that every new face hides a new enemy. Even the friendly newcomers are sometimes evil, like Ail and Ann."
"And sometimes they're not, like you and Makoto."
Mizuno Ami smiled. "I hope you're right, Usagi. I'm getting tired of fighting everyone who comes along."
Just then, the two girls heard a rustling in the bushes beside them. Wondering what it could be, they stopped to take a closer look.
This proved to be their greatest mistake yet. A ... thing ... leaped from the bushes and grabbed Usagi's chest. It said but one word:
"Sweeto!!!!!"
The worst had happened. Happosai had changed schools along with Ranma.
Ami sighed as she reached for her henshin wand. "Why do all of the threats to world happiness have to show up at our school?"
(Author's Note: The next one is blatant fanservice ...)
Ami put a hand on each of the other girls' shoulders. "Makoto, Skuld is the Goddess of the Future. She knows who we are. Skuld, Makoto is my teammate and one of my dearest friends, and she'll keep your secret."
The other two girls thought for a moment, then smiled and shook hands.
"By the way," asked Skuld, "is there any reason why the two of you seem to spend so much time together?"
Ami blushed as Makoto slipped an arm around her waist ...
(Author's Note: And this one is blatantly OOC ...)
The woman affected a surprised expression. "Excuse me? Did they say your name is 'Ranma'?"
"Yeah, I'm Saotome Ranma."
She really hated what she was about to do, but it had to be done. "Ranma, I've finally found you! It's me, Meiou Setsuna, your fianceé!" And she jumped into his arms.
So, this is your fourth real fiancee, isn't it, Ranma-honey?"
"What's your point, Ucchan?"
"There are places where it's legal for a man to have four wives," Akane added breathlessly.
Ranma thought for a moment. "But what would my Mom say if I left Japan for good?"
Nodoka appeared out of nowhere. "I'd say you'd be acting like a real man among men! You have my blessing, son!" And she handed Ranma and Akane their passports.
"I'll go get Shampoo and met you three at the airport!" cried Ukyo as she raced off toward the Nekohanten.
Setsuna was starting to panic. This was not what was supposed to happen ... Then she looked into Ranma's eyes, and finally realized what the phrase "love at first sight" meant. Her panic disappeared as she decided to let Destiny fend for itself for a while.
Two attractive young women with long black hair were sitting on a park bench. While they had their eyes closed, they seemed to be looking at something ...
"What do you see now, Skuld?"
Skuld sighed in pleasure.
Rei opened her eyes, looked at Skuld, then slapped her across the face lightly. "None of that, young lady!"
Skuld opened her eyes. "But, Rei-sempai ..."
"No 'but's! You've used your power to tap into the All-Mecha Channel too many times already! No more Cable TV until you've finished practicing!"
She was just in time! "Genma! There you are!"
The two men looked up. "Do I know you?"
"How could you have forgotten? I'm Urd! Don't you remember?" She frowned, and quietly tossed a bit of dust from her alchemical lab into the air.
"I don't think we've met, miss ..." Genma then inhaled a bit of the dust. "Oh, of course! Urd!"
Genma smiled and stood up. Then he took Urd in his arms and pulled her close. "Urd, my darling, it's been too long ..."
Urd started to panic. Oh, NO! How'd my latest love potion get mixed with the false memory dust?
Tears filled Skuld's eyes. "But ... but ... fianceés always act like this in the shojo manga Usagi let me read! I'm sorry!!!"
Despite herself, Akane smiled. She wondered whether this was an exceptionally well-developed survival trait of Skuld's, or some Goddess power, or was she really that sad? Either way, it was working. "Skuld, dear, ..."
"Yes, Akane-sempai?"
"You don't have to live your life exactly like the comic books."
Skuld frowned, then smiled again. "Does that mean I don't have to do all the things that the girls in the other manga I sneaked out of Usagi's room do with their boyfriends?"
"What manga were those, Skuld?" Urd asked her youngest sister.
"These ones!" Skuld opened her schoolbag and showed the others some of the books.
"You most certainly do not!" replied Akane. She stormed off after Usagi, muttering something about her "leaving hentai manga out where other people can find them" ...
(Author's note: My thanks to "SRV" (redwarf-at-chartertn-dot-net) for suggesting the next omake.)
Skuld turned to Ranma. "I don't know what to do! I can't see that far into the future, at least not yet! I can only see a couple of years right now! I don't know who's right!" She started to cry. "Ranma, what should I do?"
This left the fate of the world in the hands of Saotome Ranma. And we all know how easily Ranma makes decisions ...
Ranma looked to the heavens. "Why Me? Kami-sama, Why is it always me?"
Skuld's celphone rang. "Hello? ... Sure, just give me a second ... Um, Ranma, it's for you."
"No, Ranma. You'll still be cursed, but you won't be forced to change as soon as you're hit with water. You'll have a few minutes grace period - if you want it." She turned to Ryoga. "And yours will give you some sense of direction." Leaning over to put it around his neck, she added in a whisper, "as well as offsetting your Jusenkyo curse."
"You know?" he whispered back.
"Of course I know - I'm a Goddess. I also know you don't want Akane to know."
"You don't want me to know what?" demanded Akane as she loomed over them, Mallet-sama in hand.
"Oops!" Urd blushed. "Sorry about that, Ryoga-kun."
"Whisper more quietly next time!"
(Author's Note: This last one's for everyone who thought that the Big Fight was too short ... <evil grin>)
Oh man oh man oh man ... I'm outclassed badly here ... Why didn't I listen to Ranma when he said I was slow ... Akane's thoughts were interrupted by an object flying straight at her, which she reflexively caught. Then she took a look at what was in her hand.
It was a single red rose.
Akane looked at her opponent, Tuxedo Kamen. Suddenly, she thought that he looked very cute ... She leapt into his arms, begging "Please take me home with you!"
Usagi noticed Akane's embrace of her boyfriend, and immediately stopped fighting with Belldandy to go and pull Akane away from Mamoru.
The others stopped fighting as well. Ranma and the Sailor Senshi moved to restrain Sailor Moon before she killed Akane by mistake. The others took advantage of the abrupt cease-fire to kick the Invader out of the Solar System.
Urd smiled. Her strategically-used time-delayed love potion had saved the day, just as she had planned.
If you have any extra scenes for A Certain Distance, or any of my other stories, please send me a copy! I'd be happy to read them!