(Remember the Hostess ads that ran in comic books in the mid-1970's? The heroes would ignore their superpowers and use Hostess snack foods to save the day. On 9 October 1999, Ryan Mathews wondered what it would be like if those ads were still being used today, with anime characters instead of comic book superheroes. I wrote three ads in response...)
Series: Ranma ½
Time: Any time between Ryoga's first appearance and the "Shi Shi Hokodan" storyline
| Ryoga: | Saotome Ranma, prepare to die!!!!! |
| Ranma: | Hang on, Ryoga - I'll be right back... |
| < Ranma runs off-panel > | |
| Ryoga: | That coward - running out in the middle of a fight like that! |
| Akane: | I'm sure he has a good reason, Ryoga-kun. Why do you hate Ranma so much, anyway? |
| Ryoga: | Well... er... ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! |
| Ranma: | Okay, man, I'm back. Here. |
| < Ranma tosses a package at Ryoga > | |
| Ryoga: | < grabs the package without looking > I told you before, this isn't about bread, Ranma! |
| Ranma: | Look at the package, bacon-breath. That's not bread - it's a package of Hostess(TM) Twinkies(TM)! |
| Ryoga: | This sponge cake... this creamy filling... Ranma... Nobody's ever given me something like this before! All is forgiven, my friend! |
| Akane: | Oh, good! Now you'll stop fighting all the time! Let's have those Twinkies(TM) for dessert after the celebratory meal I'll cook for you! |
| Ranma and Ryoga: | Uh... We gotta go on a training trip. But don't worry about us - we'll survive eating these Hostess(TM) Twinkies(TM). Bye, Akane! |
| Akane: | Ranma no baka! |
Series: Ranma ½
Time: During "I'll Be the One to Inherit Mother's Recipies" - the hot water pipe has just burst.
| Akane: | < crying > Dinner's ruined, and it's all my fault. I'm no good in the kitchen! |
| Nodoka: | Akane, darling, cooking isn't about being good in the kitchen. |
| Akane: | It isn't? |
| Nodoka: | No. You want to learn how to cook so your family and fiancee have good things to eat, don't you? |
| Akane: | Yes! Yes, that's right, Auntie Saotome! |
| Nodoka: | You don't have to be able to cook, then - just go to the store and look for these. |
| < Nodoka pulls a package out of her kimono sleeve > | |
| Akane: | What are those, Auntie Saotome? |
| Nodoka: | Hostess(TM) Cupcakes, dear. Try one. |
| < Akane opens the package and eats one of the Cupcakes, then smiles > | |
| Akane: | These Hostess(TM) Cupcakes are good! Thank you, Auntie Saotome! |
Series: Saber Marionette J.
Time: The last episode, just before the commercial break.
| Lime: | I can't let anything bad happen to Otaru, or anyone else. This is why we were created. This is what we have to do. |
| Bloodberry: | Damn! If only there was another way! |
| Cherry: | Wait! There is another way! |
| Lime and Bloodberry: | There is? WHAT IS IT? |
| Cherry: | We'll offer it ... THESE! |
| < Cherry pulls three packages out from inside her clothes > | |
| Bloodberry: | What are they? |
| Cherry: | Hostess(TM) Fruit Pies. They come in three flavours - apple, blueberry, and my favourite - cherry. |
| < The battle around the three Marionettes stops. A spotlight shines on the Hostess(TM) Fruit Pies, and they rise from Cherry's hand > | |
| Lime: | Yay! It's working! |
| < The Marionettes complete their mission and return to the Japonessguar > | |
| Lime: | Otaru's going to be so happy that you had those Hostess(TM) Fruit Pies, Cherry. |
| Bloodberry: | Don't forget the other two flavours, Lime! |
| < they all laugh > | |
After reading this fanfic and a few others like it, Brian Dinnigan drew another ad. He's given me permission to post a copy here, so here you go...
Early-September 2002 Update: Some people have told me that they can't read Brian's writing. (This is one of his earlier works, after all.) Here's a transcription of the text.
| Panel 1: | ... Having discovered her true identity, Largo has confronted Nene alone and without her hardsuit ... "Well, you can't run any further ..." | |
| Panel 2: | Oh no ... What am I going to do? | |
| Panel 3: | Wait! I've still got my lunch ... | |
| Panel 4: | "Now, you are the beamsat's designated target ..." "Why don't you target these GENOM cupcakes instead?" | |
| Panel 5: | "mmm ... Such delicious chocolatey cake and icing ... truly fit for the ruler of the new world ..." *BZZT* targetting malfunction | |
| Panel 6: | Z-ZAP! KA-BOOM! "AAH!" "EEK!" I got away just in time! | |
| Panel 7: | "Frail humans need fear no more Largo ... thanks to delicious GENOM® cupcakes!" You get a big delight in every bite of GENOM cupcakes |
